GETTING THERE

I’ve been MIA on social media lately. I’ve not been participating per se, I just quietly read tweets and scroll past pictures of people and judge them behind a screen he he. I also discovered new people in youtube, I hope I become one of them or friends with them.

Basically, I just want to check-in. Summer has been going great so far. It’s been roughly seven days since summer started and I try to jog as much as I can, I’ve attended parties whole weekend and just been collecting good vibes really – YOLO if you may.

So they just released the grades today and I am really less than a point short to get into the dean’s list this term. It sucks, but still better than failing of course. I’m really looking forward to this week because my friends and a couple of acquaintances will be going to Boracay for a bit of Labor day weekend. I’m not expecting anything but I really really hope we enjoy.

Lastly, I don’t know if MYOH (summer job) would still let me work without training since I will be in Boracay and I have this feeling they won’t let me anymore. I am bummed about it because then I wouldn’t have any activities for May and no extra credit to beef up my resume. But never say never.

 

PS: i want to say a massive shoutout to a subscriber. I dont know if you accidentally clicked the email thingamajig over there but I appreciate it x

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WANTED: FRIENDS WITH COMMON INTERESTS

So I just saw this on Tumblr and it screams out “this is so relevant to your life Monica, with all those youtube, skating, surfing fandoms of yours you weird little fucker”:

“when something happens in your fandom but none of your friends are in it”

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-end of repost-

ps: believe me, i tried educating my friends with these addictions of mine but they just won’t ride. so it’s just me and my brothers 😦 oh well, more for me!

pps: tangina lang nitong couple na nasa tabi ko baka gusto mahiya sa sobrang PDA

BABY STEPS

recently, I have been trying to finally participate in life – I tried applying for a summer job, tried applying for Google Student Ambassador, i’m going on a summer holiday with my friends on another island, stocking up ideas on videos (i don’t know if i should pursue though), i have no idea where all these shenanigans will head to but i hope this will lead me to infinity.

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“if you‘re going hard enough leftyou‘ll find yourself turning right” – Doc Hudson (Cars, 2005)

A NOSE TO PICK ON

monica (n.) – the girl who could but didn’t

still in the state of hiatus. it’s been too long.

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I AM WHO

  • i am a fish inside a plastic bag swimming within the ocean
  • that misaligned tile on the floor ocd people cannot stand
  • the odd one out
  • i don’t belong
  • i feel lost

i could think of some more metaphors for my situation but it gets more depressing. i hate that i am disagreeing (as of the moment) at the statement ‘the happiest people are not the ones who have everything, but are the ones who make the most of what they have.’ sometimes it’s true and i want to believe it so bad, sometimes it’s bullshit. what if your situation is sad, you really can’t be satisfied even if you tried. i feel misplaced – like i should be somewhere else. i’m so tired of all this shallowness, all this pretending.

the only good thing feeling this way is that at least you get to know what you’re not, what doesn’t float your boat, what’s not your cup of tea. it sucks too because you don’t know exactly what you really are and it leaves you searching for absolutely something abundantly uncertain.

don’t get me wrong. i like being alone, but it gets lonely and sometimes you just want to find someone spending time with, heck even being lonely with. even if i have friends, sometimes i just feel like they don’t really get me. i want a new friend because maybe that friend could be someone i could talk to about anything and i don’t get tired and i don’t criticize and the conversation is so spontaneous that the topics and side comments and jokes just keep coming and building that the only thing that would stop us is an errand to do or sleepiness or a bear wearing an apron that says ‘i will eat you’ – well, not even then – and awkwardness is no where to be found or if we did find it, we’ll just kick it in the ass and say ‘awk-what? hahaha fuck you man, i love you’ and i don’t have to think of  topics to carry on the conversation and have a laugh and jape around whilst we’re talking – serious or not and even if i get annoyed with that friend sometimes, the good stuff about that friend over shines the bad stuff by a million light years. lastly, above all else, even if that friend reads this, nothing changes.

“I crave intimacy but all I do is push people away and isolate myself” – Anonymous

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I want to

You know the feeling when you start to involve yourself into something addictive (e.g. youtube, dance, comedy)? Then you start to discover people who are really good in that kind of craft (ironic pun) and then you decide you want to be them when you grow up – I’m 18 and i still want to be them when I grow up. Sometimes it’s annoying because you get exposed to too many things that are not even related to each other but they all seem so interesting – which makes you confused leading you back to square one, deciding what you really want for yourself.

Well that’s enough jibber-jabber. Let’s proceed to my main point. This is Sarah Kay, a poet. So far she’s the only one I have seen in her field of preference. I have seen some, but this woman really struck me, particularly in this piece. Damn it, adding “spoken word poetry” to my long list of what to be when I grow up – which is happening pretty soon.

Lazy Bug

Alright lovlies? Nah, who am I kidding, no one reads this but me. I just want to shoot my self with an arrow using an artificial arrow-in-the-head headband that you get from holloween/ novelty stores because I am so inconsistent. What happened to the weekly updates and shit. Nothing’s really happened that much so maybe that’s why I dont write about it, because it’s uninteresting… or I’m just lazy. I have been listing down blog ideas and it’s become so long (that’s what she said) and overwhelming I dont even know where to start anymore. Too many promises, too many hopes, too many dreams… and they all stay that way. Come on Monica, move!

Week 3 of 52

I guess you really have to get pissed to be writing. Nah, not really. It’s bad to live by that saying. Basically it only shows a part of you, the dark part. Anyway, I’m really sorry I’ve missed my weekly deadline and wrote on the wrong day and just to keep things organized, I will write my weekly updates starting this Friday since that is the day I get to have all the time in the world. So here’s how my week went (I wrote them on the back of my DIY desk calendar just to be precise, shit ang dami nito):

15-17 Jan 2013 – I wrote “FIN’s okay”, “INTFILO zzz” and “HUMANBE -____-“; “POLISCI bovring”, “Jho acting *scribble i dont understand*; “INTFILO day 2”, “ayt. HUMANBE :(“, *scribble*, “meet up with 2ne2 minus ports” I dont remember most of the reasons why I wrote these but I have a feeling the day sucked, or nothing happened that was worth blogging. epic fail since the whole point of this blog was to be interesting

18-20 Jan 2013 – “catch up day!”; “effing butt cramps”, “youtube”, “chill” “youtube”, “did nothing”

21-25 Jan 2013 – this was a genuinely fun/ productive week. me and jho were very “pa-bida” in tred. my friends are having a good time together – i still hope we could stop being confined in our own world and being anti-social and just  STEP UP (word of the week). also, i would like to thank i have shared my negative energy with gab to janneal so somehow, i am able to cope with his *insert negative adjective here* being, i would also like to thank jho because she introduces http://markandanfangel.com to me and made me read “12 new years resolution” something like that and really motivated me. she always motivates and sees the best in me. i love her. i also took a psychology test about my attention span and will post results some other time – heads up, results were not good lol. met up with ports and it was a bit shaky. dunno why. i kept thinking of stuff to say. not the usual me. went to the bible museum. got crawled on by a roach. infilo’s mindfucking me. finally having a bit of fun in humanbe. i would like to think i was funny during the presentation. made some friends there when jaja was absent. got some of my crushes’ attention – well, we made eye contact (guy from humalit and girl from humabeh). might got to palawan/benguet for polisci!!!!

26-28 Jan 2012 – unusual weekend. went to laneway festival. not! went to school on friday for the forum but really didn’t stay for that. we just signed up then ate. had fun with dream team, good vibes. saturday we went to lola’s for lunch. pretty boring than the usual visit there. love my family and relatives though-dont get me wrong. sunday we watched les mis here at home. i want to write a review!!! i hope i can!!! *mental note to write about it*

And now im updating my blog since it’s probably more important (or makes more sense) to do it rather than a 3-page reflection paper on my trip to the bible museum *sigh*. I’ll be back on Friday to make things back to schedule (i pronounce that as “sheduwool” now because im part brit. mabuhay pilipinas!!)

I guess i need to fly away and start that reflection now *flies*

People

PEOPLE FUCKING ABUSE YOU, DISRESPECT YOU, IGNORE YOU, ARE INSENSITIVE TO YOU. FUCK  PEOPLE. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE.

Week 2 of 52

and just like that, 50 more weeks to go until 2014. gross. i actually wrote some part of this 2 days ago but hey, it’s still part of the week so everything is still relevant

9 Jan 12 Wed – more youtube videos
10 Jan 12 Thurs – back to fucking school. i didnt attend classes because i was a fucking bad arse. just kidding, i fucking adjusted.
11 Jan 12 Fri – i havent really explained why i was so happy. i decided to explain because you might be thinking im on something that’s making me happy for no reason or because i see things that shouldn’t be seen like rainbows and butterflies and unicorns. if you still dont get me, yes, im talking about you accusing me for doing drugs. i dont. i didnt explain then because it would turn out to be an i-should-appreciate-the-little-things-im-so-enlightened kind of post which kind of spirals down to an emo blog post hence transiting happiness into sadness.i dont want to ruin the moment. honestly i haven’t done anything the whole day rather than watching videos on youtube and eating lots and lots of savory food – the pesto bread from pan de manila, snr pizza and chicken empanada from starbucks. ughhhhhhhh i love cheese!!! see how easy i am to please – i recently discovered Grace Helbig and she is the dog’s bollocks! i will get deeper into her (i am aware of how dirty that translates) maybe some other time because my girl G deserves one whole post in my blog. i love her. such an inspiration. i will put my feelings for her it into writing. i will, i promise.

– mentally challenging myself to write happier notes.

12-13 Jan 12 Sat – Sun – the usual weekends. not too boring, not too fun. watched more youtube videos. weather’s been chill (literally) recently, which is a good thing.

14 Jan 12 Mon – just the usual first day. nothing much. slow and steady Monica, slow and steady. i also wrote something about dreams and all the bittersweet feelings that come with it. watch out for the post soon – wow i talk like i have readers that have to be updated and teased for upcoming blog posts haha

just a side note: i want to talk about having gojocco as my infilo prof. i know i may regret saying this at some point this term but for now, i am a bit excited because from what ive heard, he is a really interesting prof. havent met anyone regretting to get him as a teacher – well, some partially did because they failed but they did admit learning a thing or two from him. one of my blockmates who had him last term actually encouraged us to pursue (meaning not dropping the subject) getting the course (subject) he will also sit in for the rest of the term because he’s stupid. nah, because that was how enlightened he is with the prof that if he had another chance to cross paths with him again, which he did, he will grab that chance in the balls and say “you’re mine”. there is a reason (which i will never know the answer to) why the profs shuffled and i magically got him. i dreaded (and still am) getting him so much. i will attend my first class with him on tomorrow. i hope i do good. i really hope i dont regret saying this. please.

here’s a song so this post has visuals (kind of) and soul hahaha