phasing

i think i’m in that there-is-a-gaping-hole-inside-of-me-i-don’t-know-what-is-missing kind of phase.

i know i say it a lot (to myself) but sometimes it really bothers me because i see everyone else is happy and i want to be, it’s just that something is missing like a puzzle piece or one more tetris block to clear the screen. i barely write about happiness. usually it’s all about how to find it, or something like that. so this is why i write — i’m not a pussy, it just works for me — because somehow, it brings relief. but it’s not enough. i hate being so emo. side note: WHAT IS MY PASSION? maybe it has something to do with what is missing. after passion, i find my purpose. the last thing i want to rely on my happiness is a person. because even though i long for one, i think i am emotionally unstable to have one. i have to fix my self first. because when that person leaves, i still have my passion. so i hope i find it (my passion).

but hey, you know what the say: “It’s just a phase” — oh i hope so. i just want to be happy. completely happy.

PS: can i just say fuck because i accidentally published just the picture only and not the blog post itself so i have to write this one all over again and rewriting  rotten thoughts (i mean, it’s not fresh any more. get it?) just after writings making me feel the there-is-something-missing-and-i-know-what-is-but-i-cant-say-it-even-if-i-try kind of feeling. i forgot a lot of sentences and added little things that were irrelevant to my thought awhile ago. but hey. it happens (trying to soothe myself now). damn it, i thinks said more in the PS part than the main part. you see what i meant about the “fresh thoughts”? yup, writing as i think my friend, writing as i think.

PPS: what a crappy post. i just had to let it out.

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